"Falling in love is easy, but staying in love is magic, priceless." — Gentleg
Beyond the color and glamour of the day, the immense concern is, "how long and how well?". Is there a guarantee that a couple seemingly perfectly tailored for each other, will go for many years into marriage and live as happy and fulfilled as we expect?.
Could it be there are more unions degenerating into domestic crises and loveless marriages?
There's one simple answer: not everyone is getting what they want out of marriage, and there's no one sex more disillusioned than the other. It could be both.
"Chimezie is a tradesman who leaves home before most people are out of bed every morning every day. Married with 5 children, 4 of whom are girls, his concept of fatherhood is educational support for his children and provision of domestic needs. In the light of his judgment, he is no delinquent father. Yet this man has a short fuse, and is known for behaving indiscretely especially towards his wife. She is parenting on two fronts as the mother and father to her children. Except for the boy who has enjoyed some affection from his father. His female children are probably never going to be intimately involved in their man's life.
"Children grow up fast," his wife laments, "and they shouldn't leave home knowing little or nothing from their father." That's naturally something you would talk over with your spouse, but the man wouldn't take it. He doesn't have the stomach for constant nagging, and he hits out in the heat of endless debates with his wife. She's only asking for him to spend more time with his growing children, so they can have a relatively comfortable childhood as well as some emotional affection. It's this simple demand that erupts altercations between the pair, and nothing of this sort is settled in the privacy of their room.
They have their kids watch them fight and boil over, and something about the man's overpowering and tyrannical energy, which has rubbed off on his son. He may grow up thinking it's right to beat up a woman who doesn't share his opinion on family matters, that making babies is better than making a peaceful home. The girls must deal with the neglect of a father and physical abuse of a brother that's taken much after him. They would be given away when the time comes to belong to another, so they must worth much less than the boy who would sustain his legacy. For now their mother remains in this marriage for the sake of her children, not in the remotest hopes that things improve between her and her husband.
Compatibility is a parameter that must to established before anyone commits to a potentially lifelong relationship, but it may be valid to say you don't always know everything about a person until marriage and time happens. Circumstances change as much as people do, but it is important to be thoroughly familiar with a person before you consider tying the knot with them, before exchanging vows with them.
Look out for red flags; if a person waves in their behavior towards you and others, that could be a bad sign. Your spouse hasn't the option of respecting and supporting you, you're obliged to each other for those words.
In the end we realize that marriage is for better or for worse. Marriage should be enjoyed and not endured...
A word especially for ladies.
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